Characters/pairing: Unrequited Ben/John
Word Count: 813
Summary: Ben goes to John's to pick him up some clothes and notices things he hadn't before.
AN: takes place after season three. Spoilers for 3x10
When John had asked Ben to pick him up some clothes after he was done puking his guts out, Ben hadn't thought he was serious.
Now that Ben was in John's house with a plastic grocery bag in one hand and a spare key in the other the first thing he noticed was how different it looked in the daylight; walls that he thought had been black were actually a deep brown and next to the big screen tv there was a wood and glass case full of porcelain dolls that he hadn't even noticed the last time. Not that anyone would blame him; not only had he been worried about if John was okay, because despite what John had said he was defiantly not okay, Ben had also had to lug John's heavy frame to the couch.
Ben looked at the doll. Some were in individual cases while others were on stands but they were all dressed in lacy dresses, had curly hair (some were blond and others were brunette) and dark glass eyes. Ben didn't know anything about dolls other than the looked like dolls his sisters would have, not a thirty-something police officer but that was one of the things Ben had learned; when it came to his personal life, John Cooper was not your ordinary cop.
Ben went upstairs to John's bedroom passing framed photos on the stairway.
John's bed was a mess of rumpled blankets and lumpy pillows; Ben's dad had always made sure he made his bed in the morning and even now Ben had to resist the urge to make it. Ben wished that was the only urge he had when in came to John. Ben dropped his bag on the bed and started going through John's dresser. Finding clothes for John wasn't hard, all he seemed to own were black short sleeve shirts.
As Ben was looking for socks, he found a black and white picture in a tarnished silver fame at the bottom of the drawer. It looked like John was dipping a women in a white dress and they were laughing.
As Ben looked at the picture he thought not only did John look happy but that he had a great smile. As soon as he thought that he stamped it out- the last thing he needed was to give in to his crush on his former training officer while he was in said trainer officer's house. If he happened to breath in John's scent while putting the shirts in the bag, no one had to know.
Hospitals made Ben feel sick. It wasn't that they were cold and sterile (which they were), or that most of his experiences in hospitals involved blood, it was the stench of bleach and antiseptic that made his stomach turn. The smell made him want to shower and scrub until all he could smell was shampoo and soap. As he walked down the hall he tried to convince himself that was the only reason he hadn't come to see John until it was necessary.
When Ben walked into John's room he was hit by the smell of vomit and didn't know if that was better or worse. John was laying in bed hugging a bedpan, his skin was pale and sweat glistened on his forehead. Ben sat down next to John's bed and silence filled the room.
'Hey, you didn't want me to bring you a teddy bear and a blanket did you?', Ben said with a small smile trying to lighten the mood. 'Maybe one of your dolls?'
John smiled weakly. 'You saw those huh? They were my mom's. You didn't touch them, did you?'
'Nope, you'd kick my ass from that hospital bed.'
'Damn straight. Thanks for bringing my stuff,' John said as he looked over at Ben with bloodshot eyes.
'You're welcome,' Ben said. John held out his hand and Ben shook it. As he stood there holding John's warm hand, the sun came out and shafts of light made John's hair shine. Ben had to stop himself from reaching out and touching it. Ben had hoped seeing John at his worse be the reality check he needed, but if anything seeing John look so sick it made him want to touch and kiss John even more. Anything for bring John comfort.
'I got to go.'
'Don't be a stranger.'
Ben walked out of the room took a deep breath through his mouth. He was completely screwed. John might not be his training officer anymore, but that didn't make him any less off limits. The last thing John needed was a partner (and maybe even a friend) with a crush. When he had been a boot it hadn't been so bad, John kept himself at arm's length and Ben had been satisfied with fantasying as he jerked off, but now, Ben's crush was crushing.