Fandom: Due South
Word Count: 554
Summary: Ray has to find something.
AN: Written for the ds_aprilfools prompt:Breathe
Ray's apartment floor was bare, only the painted dance steps showed that Ray had ever lived there. Even Spot the turtle had been taken to live with Frannie.
As Ray sat on the floor of his apartment, his life packed away into bags and boxes he thought about how his life had reached this point.
Ray knew he loved with his whole being. The first time he had kissed Stella, he had thought about for weeks beforehand. He had even given up on growing a beard because Stella said it was itchy.
The first time Ray and Fraser kissed, it had happened almost by accident. They were a few weeks into their quest for the hand of Franklin, and Ray and cold were best buddies when Ray decided to have some fun. He carefully made a pile of snow balls and waited for Fraser to come out of their tent. He threw snowballs at Fraser and Dief. Ray took off running and Dief chased after him, playfully nipping at Ray's heels. Ray ran behind Fraser, bagging him to save him from the big bad half-wolf. Ray remembered they were all laughing about it and then Ray called Fraser his hero and brushed his lips against Fraser's. Ray thought he had gone too far because Fraser wasn't laughing any more and had gone Guard Duty stiff. They didn't talk about it all that day and Ray wasn't going to bring it up. Although if they had talked about Ray felt certain he could say it was a joke- even though all he wanted was more kissing.
That night instead of sleeping back-to-back Fraser wrapped his arms around Ray and didn't seem to relax until Ray put his hand on top of Fraser's. Over the next few days they still didn't talk about it, but every night they would sleep wrapped around each other- sometimes there would be more kissing, sometimes Ray would just bury his nose in Fraser's neck and breath deeply the scent of the pine and spice that was Fraser's scent.
Over the next few weeks Ray couldn't help but notice that Fraser never stopped smiling and that made Ray smile too, even though something kept gnawing at his brain like a Dief with a doughnut.
One bright day Ray came to a decision. If he and Fraser were going to make their relationship work then Ray was going to have to find out something first. When he told Fraser his plan even though Fraser's smile had wavered he said it was a good plan.
Despite trying, Ray couldn't get the last image he had of Fraser out of his head. As Ray's plane took off down the runway, Fraser stood still and silent by the runway and he looked like how Ray felt- it felt like he couldn't breath because it hurt so much.
Ray shook himself out of his memories and taped up another box, trying to ignore the pain in his chest as he thought about Fraser. He rubbed his chin, his goatee was rough against his fingers, and he thought about how it wouldn't be forever and that he'd go back to Canada as soon as possible. Thinking about that made the hurt lessen just a bit.
Ray had to come back to Chicago alone to find out who Ray Kowalski was before he could be Fraser's Ray. He had learned from Stella that when he loved he loved so much along the way Ray Kowalski would get lost.