Summary: Sometimes Ben just needs to ride his motorcycle.
Ben startled a wake, he sat up and ran his fingers thought his hair. His room was dark and the clock next to his bed said two-thirty. He settled back down and tried to go back to sleep, but every time his closed his eyes he was assaulted by images. Even when he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling he could still hear John's voice in his head. He got out of bed and threw on some clothes. The feeling of cotton and denim against his skin helped calm him, but he still knew what he had to do. On the kitchen counter sat his motorcycle helmet. With shaking hands he picked the helmet and headed out the door. Sometimes Ben need more release than the shooting range could provide, tonight was one of those nights.
An orange harvest moon shown down upon the desert. A road cut through the sand like a dark scar. Ben sped down the road, but his mind wasn't on the asphalt in front of him, but on the dream that refused to go away on matter how much he wanted it to. Each time he had the dream it felt more and more real, even though he knew there were a million reasons why it couldn't and shouldn't become real. On top of the list was the fact that John was his training officer.
Ben was laying on a bed in a completely white room. John was standing over him with a smirk on his face, he was dressed in his uniform. Ben knew he was dreaming because the uniform was much tighter than in real life and there was a purple giraffe standing in the corner. Suddenly John was naked and Ben didn't have to look to see that he was too. Ben couldn't help but stare at John muscular frame.
The rumble of the bike's engine and the feeling of winds against his face should have been soothing, but if anything it reminded Ben of all the hours spent in a squad car with John.
John fell on top of Ben, their lips pressed together in a rough kiss. Ben felt John tongue against his lips and opened his mouth. John licked the inside of Ben's mouth. They kissed for what felt like hours.
Ben gripped the bike's handlebars so tight his knuckles turned white.
As they kissed John's hands slid into Ben's hair and pulled at it. Ben moved his hands along John's back, feeling the warm, smooth skin.
A dog crossed the road in front of Ben, the dog's eyes shown in his headlights making it look otherworldly. It seemed to stare at Ben for a few seconds before running across the road.
Ben pulled his hand away from John's back and looked up at John.
'Oh, the things I'm going to do to you, Boot,' John said as he pulled on Ben's lower lip with his teeth.
Even though he knew it was a dream, Ben shuddered.
Ben accelerated and felt the engine roar.
With each mile he put behind him, the dream became less and less vivid until it faded away like morning dew being burned away by the sun. If only his feelings would disappear so easily.
Ben's eye popped open and it took him a minute to remember where he was. There was a ball game on John's tv. John's couch was lumpy and a spring poked Ben in the leg. Even though John was no longer his training officer they still spent time together. Ben didn't look too closely at the reason why.
'Having another funeral dream?' John asked from across the couch.
'You look dead on your feet. I thought bad dreams were keeping you up.'
Hearing John talk about dreams reminded Ben of his most recent dream and he felt his cheeks heat up.
John smirked. 'Oh it's that kind of dream. Who's it about? Chickie?'
'I don't want to talk about this.'
'Just tell me it's not Dewey.'
Ben should have changed the subject, he should have stopped talking, but because of the lack of sleep he said 'It's you, okay.'Maybe if he admitted it the dreams would stop.
John looked surprised for a moment than he grinned and laughed. 'I'm flattered, really I am.'
Seeing John laugh like that made Ben grit his teeth. 'I'm glad you find this funny.'
'Shit you're serious, aren't you?'
Deflated, Ben no longer felt angry just tired. So very tired.
'Not that I want to be,' Ben answered as his shoulders dropped.
'Because I'm a guy?'
Now it was Ben's turn to laugh, it was a bitter laugh. 'Believe me, that's the last reason on my list.'
John picked up his beer bottle from his coffee table and took a swig. Setting the bottle back down he said, 'Well, this is a surprise. I'm too damn old to dance around this so if you're serious I'll give you a shot.'
John leaned over and kissed Ben on the lips. It was a soft, almost gentle kiss that went on for long moments. Ben reached up and ran his fingers through John's hair.
John broke the kiss. 'Does that answer your question?'
Ben leaned forward for more kissing but John pulled away.
'Sleep first, sex later.'
Ben was about to protest when he yawned. John just laughed.
Ben sat on John's bed, a sheet was pooled around his waist. He settled back down, his head resting on John's chest. As a half asleep John put his arms around Ben, Ben smiled and fell into a deep sleep.