Characters/Fandom: Phil, Tony, Steve, Bruce, Clint, Natasha. The Avengers (movieverse).
Written for my Phil Coulson avengers prompt table Prompt: babysitting
Summary: The one in which Phil has to babysit the team and he thinks about killing Loki.
Phil looked around the room at the children in front of him and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was going to kill Loki.
Bruce was in the corner crying and Natasha looked guilty. Tony and Steve had their shirts off, but the most surprising thing was Clint who seemed to be happily drawing on the walls, completely oblivious. First things first.
'What's going on in here?' he asked Tony.
'Nothing,' the boy said.
Phil looked over at Steve. 'What were you doing?'
Suddenly Steve seemed very interested in his shoes. 'Tony said we were playing doctor.'
'Okay, okay no more doctor.'
Phil turned around and Bruce ran up and plastered himself to Phil's leg. He wasn't even going to deal with Clint's drawing of Fury with a pig's body- Pig Fury didn't have a 'q' in it.
Bruce sobbed and Phil felt his eye twitch. When he had been told by Fury that his job would include babysitting the team he never Thought that that would be literally. He was definitely going to kill Loki.
Phil walked into his apartment with a bag if groceries in one arm. The bag was full of Clint's favorite foods (which seemed to be anything made of chocolate). If Clint was going to be a child for the foreseeable future, the least Phil could do was make him as happy as possible. The candy had nothing to do with the fact that Clint has looked up at Phil with big puppy dog eyes in the store. At least he didn't have to watch the others. Fury had gotten stuck with Tony and Steve and Phil would pay good money to see Fury's parenting skills.
As Phil put groceries away he felt Clint looking at him.
'What?' Phil asked as he put a can of soup in the cupboard.
'Can I have ice cream for dinner?' Clint said.
'Maybe after dinner.'
'Because ice cream will ruin your dinner,' Phil said not looking at Clint. He was not going to get sucked into those puppy dog eyes again. If S.H.I.E.L.D could find a why to harness that power the enemies would just surrender.
'Because it will make you full.'
Phil looked over at Clint and in a voice that sounded strangely like his father he said, 'Because I said so.'
'Oh, okay. Can I go play?'
Well, that had gone better than Phil had hoped.
Things were definitely not going well. Clint was jumping on Phil's bed with an extremely determined and pissed off look on his face.
'I said it's time for your bath,' Phil almost yelled.
'And I said no,' Clint said and if Phil didn't know better he would swear that Clint jumped harder on the bed.
'Have it your way,' Phil said as he lunged and grabbed Clint. He tucked Clint under his arm and made his way to the bathroom.
Phil was just about to make to the bathroom door when Clint squirmed and punched Phil in the groin. Phil dropped Clint and went down to the floor. As Clint ran around laughing Phil thought about how much Loki was going to pay.
Phil woke up in the dark. His hand instantly went for the gun under his pillow. The numbers on his clock said it was three-thirty. At first he couldn't tell what woke him up, but than he heard a faint whimper.
'Clint? What's wrong?' Phil said into the darkness.
'Uncle Phil, I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you,' Clint said.
Phil let go of his gun and lifted up his blanket.
Phil felt Clint climb into the bed. His head rested on Phil's chest and Phil couldn't help but rub Clint's back. As Phil drifted off to sleep he thought maybe little boy Clint wasn't so bad after all. He just hoped They found a way to break the spell. Having to deal with a going- through- puberty Avengers team would be nothing short of a nightmare.
When Phil woke up the first thing he noticed was that Clint still had his head on Phil's chest, the second thing was that Clint seemed to be a grown up again. Clint opened his eyes.
'Morning,' Clint said.
Clint looked down at his own hand and his eyes went wide.
'Looks like I'm all grown up.'
'Yep, looks like it.'
'Can I still call you Uncle Phil?'
Phil thought about it. 'You do and I'll make you wear that purple costume R&D sent over.'